Tag Team
by DB Sommer
Summary: The girls learn that most venerated of Japanese sports: Professional wrestling


Tag Team

(An Azumanga Daioh shortfic)

Standard Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Azumanga characters

All fics but the lemons stored at , while lemons, adfics, and other miscellaneous stuff are stored at mediaminer

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Morning classes hadn't started yet when Kagura spotted Tomo entering the room with an unmistakable bounce to her step. She waved at her fellow 'Blockhead'. "Hey, Tomo, you're looking pretty happy."

Tomo all but bounded over. "That's because I got to see my favorite wrestler, Kenta Kobashi, kick butt last night."

"I didn't know you liked him."

"Hell yeah!" Tomo shouted in exaggerated fashion. "He's my all-time favorite, as well as the best, wrestler in the whole wide world." At that moment Tomo focused on Yomi, who was sitting with her back to her. Tomo began moving up behind her, continuing on. "There's nothing better than watching him hit someone." She brought her elbow up above Yomi's head then downward. "With the BURNING HAMM—"

Tomo's target suddenly slipped out of the seat, causing the elbow to miss. Yomi maneuvered directly behind Tomo, wrapping her arms around her waist, then bending backward, taking Tomo with her. At the apex of her bend she shouted, "BACKDROP DRIVER!" and released Tomo, causing her to sail through the air several feet before landing on her head.

Semi-coherent, Tomo slurred out, "Oh, that's right, Yomi's a wrestling fan too."

Yomi stood triumphantly over Tomo, much like a hunter would a kill. Her glasses gleamed as she proudly stated, "Foolish girl, aging relics like Kobashi are things of the past. Takeshi Morishima is where both the present and future of wrestling lies!"

Kagura grimaced a touch at Tomo's crumpled form. To Yomi she said, "I didn't have you pegged for the wrestling type."

"Of course I am. Who isn't?" she answered, still posturing. "Who do you like?"

"I prefer high flyers myself. Guys like CIMA or Dragon Kid."

Osaka wandered over and volunteered her opinion. "I've always been partial to women's wrestling. Sometimes I dream of being in a tag team with Aja Kong."

Tomo, who had finally recovered, said, "She's around 250 pounds while you're about the size of her thigh."

"Yep." Osaka agreed.

"She'd probably eat you rather than tag you in."

"I don't think so. The human's skull's too large for any person to widen their jaws enough to consume." Osaka pointed out. She then looked around the room. "I wonder who else is into wrestling."

All eyes settled on Chiyo, who was sitting in her seat.

Tomo asked, "Hey, Chiyo, who's your favorite wrestler?"

"It's all fake," she said matter-of-factly.

Everyone stared at her silently for several seconds. Finally Tomo spoke. "You are dead to us."

As Chiyo sat there, stunned, all eyes turned to Sakaki, who was sitting in her seat.

Tomo asked, "Hey, Sakaki, who's your favorite wrestler?"

"Big Van Vader."

Osaka whistled appreciatively. "He's like, 400 pounds of pure mean."

Sakaki nodded. Wrestling was the one thing where cuteness wasn't a factor: only the ability to dish out and absorb punishment was, and Vader had both in abundance. She remembered his squashing of Antonio Inoki with fondness.

"Who else could we ask?" Osaka wondered as her eyes scanned the room, finally settling toward the front. "Let's ask Miss Yukari."

The group of five approached the teacher, whose head was pointed down as she wrote furiously.

Tomo asked, "Miss Yukari, who's your favorite wrestler?"

"Masked Zapper II," she answered instantly, not missing a stroke.

Kagura said, "I remember her. She wrestled as part of a tag team in a women's organization a few years ago."

"Why is she your favorite?" Osaka inquired.

Yukari's head remained pointing downward. "Because it was me."

The girls froze in shock.

"You're kidding, right?" Yomi asked.

"Did it for a year right after college." Her pen never wavered.

Osaka turned to Kagura. "Does Miss Yukari look liked Masked Zapper II?"

"You do understand that she was masked like her name says, right?"

Osaka considered that. "Oh, I thought maybe that was just her stage name. Kind of like how Mammoth Sasaki isn't an actual mammoth." Osaka processed that. "So we have no way of knowing, do we?"

It was at that moment that Nyamo stormed into the room. "Yukari, I told you I'm not falling for your so-called. 'watch me make 5000 yen disappear' magic trick. Give me back my money!"

"Nyamo would know," Kagura said.

Yukari finally looked up. "Of course she would. Who do you think Masked Zapper I was?"

Hearing Yukari's statement, Nyamo stared at her in horror. "I thought we agreed never to tell anyone that!"

"The girls were clever enough to figure it out on their own," Yukari assured her.

"Actually you just told us out of the blue," Yomi pointed out.

"Don't clutter your head with useless details," Yukari said dismissively, rising from the chair. "Yep, we were the hottest team in the country. And we would have won the championship if only someone had the guts to do what it takes to win!" She shot Nyamo an accusing glare.

Nyamo turned red. "I told you I wanted to be a face, not a heel. There's no way I'm smashing someone in the head with a chair while the ref's back was turned!"

Yukari rolled her eyes and addressed the girls. "After Nyamo went yellow, it became obvious we weren't cut out to be a tag team. Since I didn't feel like going singles, I retired."

Nyamo snarled, "You didn't feel like going singles because I carried our team! The only times you tagged in were when I softened up our opponent beforehand! And even then all you did was jump off the top rope and flatten them with your butt!"

"And no one kicked out from the 'Flying Ass Blast', now did they!" Yukari got up in her face. "I say I'm the one that carried the team, and you only rode my flying ass to victory!"

Nyamo wouldn't back down. "Why don't we go out to the gym and settle who the better grappler is once and for all?"

"You're on!"

Nyamo turned around and headed toward the door.

Yukari picked up a chair and smashed Nyamo in the back of the head with it, knocking her senseless. Yukari stood above her, laughing triumphantly.

The girls stared in awe.

Osaka said, "Wow! Yukari just properly broke up her tag team with a heel turn."

Yomi nodded. "She really was a professional wrestler."

Tomo turned to Chiyo, a wide smirk on her features. "I guess this proves wrestling isn't fake."

"All it proves is Miss Yukari is crazy!" Chiyo insisted as Nyamo got up and she and Yukari began wrestling on the ground while Osaka tried to count a pinfall.

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[End fic]

A silly idea? Sure, but damn fun for me to write.


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